so a _________ walks into a bar

[spatman]

E-flat walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve minors."

[Penopolypants]

A priest, a rabbi, and an atheist walk into a bar.




It turns out they had much in common and became lifelong friends.

(from one of those "jokes with no punchline" sites.)

[scottsax]

A priest, a rabbi, a penguin, and a duck walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "What is this, a joke?"

[spatman]

a neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. the bartender sets the beer down and says, "for you, no charge!"

[mz53480]

A naked blond walks into a bar, with a poodle under one arm, and a two foot salami under the other. She lays the poodle on the table. Bartender says, "I suppose you won't be needing a drink." The naked lady says.....

[Penopolypants]

A definite integral walks and orders 10 shots of whiskey.

"You sure about that, buddy?"

"Yeah, I know my limits."

[spatman]

A definite integral walks and orders 10 shots of whiskey.

"You sure about that, buddy?"

"Yeah, I know my limits."

wow. that took nerd joke to a whole new level.

[mz53480]

a neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. the bartender sets the beer down and says, "for you, no charge!"

An atom walks into a bar. Bumps into another atom and says "hey, I think I lost an electron".
The other atom says "are you sure?".
The 1st atom says "oh, yes. I'm positive."

[Penopolypants]

wow. that took nerd joke to a whole new level.

Lol, not even.

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third orders a quarter of a beer. Before the next one can order, the bartender says, “You’re all assholes,” and pours two beers.

On a less nerdy note:

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

[mz53480]

wow. that took nerd joke to a whole new level.

Lol, not even.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third orders a quarter of a beer. Before the next one can order, the bartender says, “You’re all assholes,” and pours two beers.
On a less nerdy note:
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

Go Penopoly!

[spatman]

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

i never realized i was dyslexic.

[Penopolypants]

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

i never realized i was dyslexic.

[Geek]

Still waiting for sockmonkey's..... you know he's got to have a good one he can dust off....

[spatman]

sockmonkey runs into a bar and asks the barkeep, "give me ten shots of your best whisky."

the bartender sets up the ten glasses. sockmonkey starts drinking them as quickly as the bartender serves them.

the bartender asks, "why are you drinking so fast?"

"you'd drink fast too, if you had what i have."

the bartender asks, "what do you have?"

"seventy cents."

[Joshua Smith]

A horse walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender looks at him and says: "Hey, buddy- why the long face?"

A bear walks into a bar and says: "Can I get...................................................................a beer over here?"
The bartender says: "Whats up with the big pause"

A dog bursts through the swinging doors of the old west saloon with blood pouring out of a wound in his lower leg and yells:

They shot my Paw!

[dwashbur]

A guy walks into a bar with a frog on his head. The bartender looks at him and says, "What's your story?"

The frog answers, "It started out as a wart on my butt."

[spatman]

a guy walks into a bar and sees a dog lying in the corner licking his balls. he turns to the bartender and says, "boy, I wish I could do that." the bartender replies, "you might want to try petting him first."

[Sockmonkey]

Still waiting for sockmonkey's..... you know he's got to have a good one he can dust off....

Jebus... so much pressure... Ok with a nod to Keller from Jack's Diving Locker...

A pirate walks into a bar with a big wooden ships steering wheel in his pants.

Bartender says "Captain? What's up with the wheel in your pants?"
Pirate says "Yarrrr. It's driving me nuts"



Could have been worse... I mean... I'm a frayed knot?

-Eric

[Sockmonkey]

Oh and Spatman... I said shut up.

-Eric

[spatman]

tangfish, spatman, and joshua smith all walk into a bar and order a beer. the bartender hands them their beers, however there are flies in each mug of beer.

tangfish pushes his beer aside and says, "that's disgusting."

spatman pulls the fly out of his mug and starts drinking the beer.

joshua smith pulls the fly out, sets it on the counter and shouts, "SPIT IT OUT, YOU BASTARD."

[Jenbowes]

Descarte walks into a bar and has two drinks. After the second one, the bartender asks "Would you like another?" Descarte replies "I think not" .... and disappears.

[selkie]

A bear walks into a bar and tells the bartender, “I am a bear in your bar and I want a beer”. Bartender says, “No, we are not a bear beer bar”. Bear says, “Serve me a beer or I will eat that woman sitting at the end of the bar!” Bartender says, “Sorry we are not a bear beer bar.” Bear goes to the end of the bar and eats the woman then says to the bartender, “I am a bear in you bar and I want a bear!” Bartender says, “Sorry we don’t serve drug addicts”. Bear says, “Drug addicts?” Bartender says, “Yeah drug addict, that was a bar bitch you ate.”

[eliseaboo]

A magician was driving down the street and he turned into a driveway.

[doc]

Descarte walks into a bar and has two drinks. After the second one, the bartender asks "Would you like another?" Descarte replies "I think not" .... and disappears.

Thank you for that...

[doc]

A guy walks into a bar, and tells this joke...

Why did the paranoid person cross the road?

...why?

...WHAT HAVE YOU HEARD?